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Good Parenting

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I feel like I will be writing on this subject a lot, as it’s an on-going question burning in my mind throughout my days and weeks.  How can I be a good parent for my children?

In any other vocation you can find, mould and shape a job so it suits your talents.  It’s in an employer’s best interests to have you working at what you are best at and it’s most worthwhile for you to dedicate your 40 hours a week to something you get satisfaction out of doing.

With parenting you can bring your talents. strengths and best features to the role, but they won’t cover the vast spectrum of what the job requires so there will be times and whole areas where you will fail.

Take me, I’m a “completer/finisher”.  I can organise, I can solve problems, I can see something complicated and make it simple, I can bring order, I set out to do something and I have the focus and discipline to finish it.  In parenting this means, I can plan a family activity, I can make four different purees in one hour, I can find out what is required for my children and I can propose a solution.  But my children don’t function like an Excel spreadsheet, they don’t run to schedule like a well planned event, they don’t co-operate!

Everyday I do a mediocre version of parenting and I hope to do better the next day.  I guess I am only two years in, which when it takes a life time to learn I really am just at the start but oh I wish I knew the short cuts to good parenting.  I have a feeling there aren’t any and even the wisest of people will not be able to show me the best way to parent my children because I’m the only one (with Gareth) that can be a good parent to my children and we’ll have to find the secrets to success together.

 

Presentable

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I have reached the end of another day.  Finished clearing away dinner, tidying up the living room and sorting out the laundry while Gareth baths the children and I look down at myself to make the unfortunate discovery that once again, I look like a tramp.

My hair is unsalvageable (must not have a fringe, must not have a fringe), I have Jackson snot and puree on my shoulders, moist biscuit on my sleeve, the trousers I am wearing are too baggy, the flairs of which are caked in “street” from being dragged around all day.  I look like I’ve been accosted by a restaurant bin bag.  Don’t get me started on the rest of me; tatty nails, smudged mascara, unshaven legs, and feet that should be soaked in E45 for at least a week.  I just rested my head on my hand and found some “mush” at the back – eurrck!

When I think of how many people have seen me today I wished I’d worn a sign saying ‘this is not how I started off at 8am today!’.

I think I am especially irked by my hopeless appearance today because I’ve been reading Pamela Druckerman’s ‘French Children Don’t Throw Food’ book, and the French mothers she describes convict me that it is possible to have a baby and a toddler and not look like I’m the one that can’t find her mouth with a spoonful of puree and whose sense of style is to dress in whatever she can find in reachable distance, be it from the dirty washing basket or the bag of clothes waiting to be taken to the charity shop.

Of course I blame the children.  Jackson’s daily routine is to find as much dirt and gunge as he can whilst out of my arms so when he is in my arms he can loving share it with his unsuspecting mother, who should learn not to wear black, ever.

Minnie wants to constantly re-dress herself but with only 10 items of clothing from her wardrobe, so it’s always a combination of purple fairy skirt, cherry patterned leggings, 3 different pink t-shirts and a few odd socks all in the purple/pink colour scheme.  It breaks my heart every time I suggest she wears her navy skinnies and Breton top and get a decided no in return.  Don’t get me wrong this dressing independence will be confronted any day now, but at the moment Minnie taking herself off for 15 minutes to rotate her pink t-shirts buys me time to get the washing up done or surf the net for a house to buy.  She will be wearing red in the not too distant future!

Perhaps my motivation to work out how to stay smart should come from the ‘lead by example’ principle.  Then my daughter might realise that looking like a vagabond isn’t actually a desirable look.  I dream of us looking like the model French family – neat, tidy and clean, but I guess for now I should be satisfied that my teeth are brushed and the children’s nappies don’t smell.

Most Stressful Things

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If you Google the most stressful things of life, moving house is always up in the Top 5 and often it’s in first place.  I’d like to confirm that it’s right where it should be, way above getting married, starting a new job and having babies.

We sold our house in September 2011, three months after I’d had my second baby – also officially stressful, I checked.  We moved out the following month and lodged with friends for five months (I can’t find that on a list but it should be there).  We spent those five months applying to emmigrate to the other side of the world (again not on a list but it really should be).  Once we got the go ahead, we flew 36 hours across the world with our two year old and 10 month old. Now we are house sitting an almost stranger’s house.  On Saturday we move into a furnished property for four months.  That’s four moves in six months.

Our furniture will arrive off the boat before our lease is up so we have already started to look for a house to buy.  We are looking in Christchurch, a city that is recovering from a devastating run of earthquakes and has tremors and aftershocks on a weekly basis.  This ground moving business is not good for any type of structure I’m told.

That’s not the only new thing for us consider.  Everything is done differently in the housing market over here so we keep having to review our approach to looking for houses and when we do find one we like we have to look into the added queries of has it been shot to pieces by the earthquakes past and will it withstand possible future earthquakes?  Questions no one will give us a straight answer to.  Added to that you must consider schools, facilities, parks and transport.  Once you’ve got through all that and the house is still on your list, you can decide if you like it!

My trouble is I fall in love with the houses that don’t tick all the earlier boxes and the ones that are safe and on steady land (for now) I find a little…blah.

We must have looked at between 20 to 30 properties now and I just want to crawl into a ball.  But you can’t because renting is more expensive than owning and very soon a lot of displaced people will be getting their earthquake payouts and hitting the market, flush!  Don’t get me wrong, they deserve a good home, I imagine living through an earthquake is high up on the stress list too, but I went through a 36 hour flight to get here people, that is not to be sniffed at!

And if all this stress isn’t enough, I am on my period!

Clothes Shopping

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Before we came out to New Zealand we were warned that everything would be more expensive, and oh they were right.  With the exchange rate as it is we’re still better off buying in the UK and getting things brought or sent over.

So when we arrived, unpacked and realised in the middle of the last minute panic of squeezing my clothes into one suitcase I’d not packed anything to do sport in (I am a lesser version of myself without regular exercise) I was straight on email to my mum to get some things sent over.

As mum was treating (love her) I didn’t think Sweaty Betty was polite so I went for JD Sports sale and had a good hunt.  Generally I buy medium for everything, but if I have to go by size then it’s going to be between 10 and 12.  Having not lost all of my Jackson weight I tend to play safe at 12 but the jacket I liked was a 10 so I ordered it and got mum to model.  I am 5′ 8″ and my mum is 5′ 1″ – this may not work!

Whilst I wait to see if I’ve made the right decision (it arrives end of the week) I am loving my mum modelling – she looks pretty good for 62!

Image

Something to bear in mind if you are posting something to New Zealand – make sure it’s under 2kg!

Good behaviour

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You know when your children are wrecking you so much that you are already dreading the teenage years.  Like seriously if they can give me this much attitude and they’re not even walking and talking how much more will they punish me when they have a mobile phone and some education under their belt??!!

Well in those moments of despair I always find it’s necessary (if I want to continue loving them) to look at a photo of when they are on their best behaviour.  In Jackson’s case, when he’s asleep.

God bless my sweet boy on the 36 hour flight to NZ from the UK.

Week by week

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One of our motivations for leaving Liverpool was to step out of the speed of city living.  It’s a long story but New Zealand is effectively our stepping stone to the Lake District.

I’ll let you know how that works out.

Someone pointed out that Christchurch is, in fact, a city so was there not a flaw in our plan? Now having lived here two weeks I am heartened by the distinct impression that New Zealanders move slower than us Brits and in a good way.  They don’t sprint because they are enjoying the moment.

First indicator of how things are different, go into a coffee shop for a take-out latte, take a book, you’ll be there for 15 minutes.  People say hello as they pass you and often stop to genuinely ask you how you are.  This may not be the same thing but over here bills are measured in weeks not months, so rent is charged by the week, your phone bill and your car repayments also. They take life week by week not month by month – that’s got to feel steadier.

Our life has been far from slow since we got here and buying a house (when we finally find it) probably won’t feel easy but once we’re settled, I’m going for this slower life – I think I’ll be a better person for it.

The X Factor

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We went to see two more houses to buy today.  One was way too small and had this Kiwi quirk (at least to me) where even though it was a two storey house it had the master bedroom on the ground floor.  Unless it’s a bungalow, I like all my bedrooms upstairs thank you.  Then the second one was lovely, peaceful, good size, tidy garden and totally out of our price range….sigh.

We have another six to see over the weekend.  Although, after the many tears and protests from my children (and one or two from my husband) I am going alone to one and we’ve got our lovely friends looking after the children so we can do a whistle stop tour of five in a row. 

Even though that will make the grand total nearly up to an exhausting 20 viewings in four days this is going to be worth it, I know there is a house nearby that when we walk into it it will have the “X Factor” that Kirsty Allsop insists is crucial and we will have that inner peace and outer glow about being financially strapped to it for the forseeable future!

Lessons learnt so far:

– in Christchurch, no matter what it’s made of, your house may fall down after an earthquake

– NZ estate agents work on commission and even within the same company they are fighting nail and tooth to get your business so pick one and stick with them or you find yourself in the middle of a cat fight

– when you like a house you can’t just ring up, give them your offer and begin a discussion on an agreed price, just to see if you might be able to get it for what you want.  Oh no, when you want to start talking money, you have to put your signature to it and unless you have a clause that gets you out of it for some reason down the line you have to stick to that first offer – yikes!

– then once you have gone through everything, agreed the price, had all your surveys, commissioned your solicitors and set a completion date, you the buyer still have to pay a deposit to the estate agent (??!!) who keeps it in their trust bank until the sale goes through.  Whatever happened to trust and honour people of New Zealand??

All that said we are excited and we know ‘Our Home’ is around the corner, at least it has to be as our furniture is on the way and our children will soon be refusing to enter houses with signs outside.

 

 

Child’s Play

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This week we began our search for a new home and a new car and Gareth is getting ready to start a new job.  All massive, adult-themed tasks to bear.

Of course in the midst of all our “achieving” our toddler and baby demand some attention.  They want to enjoy the day, they want to live in the moment not plan for the future.  Why shouldn’t they? We’re taking care of all that serious stuff so they’ll manage the family’s fun.

It’s good that no matter what your age you have an important role to fulfil in the family.