I started working for a charity last year that is focussed on seeing homelessness eradicated. Whilst I have always been aware of homelessness and have been involved with charities that work with homeless or deeply impoverished people, I have lived a life that has come nowhere near what people suffer when their choices and resources are so diminished that they have to live on the street. I walk past someone who is sleeping on the street, see them in the news or depicted in films, hear stories about the injustices and abuse that have led people to the lowest of lows, and think that I am so far away from them that we have nothing in common. It creates a sense of distance and separateness that means I don’t stop on the street when I see someone begging or just clearly in need, because my mind has these thoughts: They’re asking for money and I don’t think that’s what I should give them, or more often than not I don’t have cash anyway I don’t …

If I was to describe the relationship I currently have with my body, I would say that we’re not on speaking terms. This has only happened a few times in my life. Most of the time, we’re the best of friends. This time, there was no major falling out, no dramatic incident, no third-party indiscretion. That said, there were some warning signs she wasn’t quite her usual self. Since 2018, I have had three mammograms and two ultrasounds to check as many breast lumps that have thankfully turned out to be cysts or ‘normal tissue’. A couple of years ago I had a polyp removed from my uterus and last year I started taking oestrogen and progesterone to help with some peri-menopausal symptoms that were significantly reducing my quality of life. My point being, I know exactly what stage of life I am in and I have been doing my utmost to listen to my body and give her what she needs to stay strong and healthy. Which is why I have been a little …

Well hello there. I think it might just be time to be back on here again. I’ve had ‘a bit of a day’ and I realise this neglected part of my life called writing, must come back to bring me some joy. I’ve just had a little wander round the blog and it’s 10 months since my last blog – oops! There is a very good reason for that.  We only went and emigrated over to New Zealand again. Yep that’s some crazy beans we ate somewhere along the way eh. We’ve been back in the land of the long white cloud since September. Back in March – when I wrote my last blog – we were beginning to make plans to leave the UK, again.  That’s why there has been silence from me. First because I didn’t want to share until we knew what we were doing, then once we knew, I didn’t have time what with all the organising, packing and saying goodbye. Then we lived out of a suitcase for five months, …

Sometimes, it’s just not OK. You’re not OK. Life isn’t OK. Things are not OK. There is pain, disappointment, anger, fear and it feels like more than you can bear. You can’t stand up as it crashes down on you. You have nothing left. You’re lost. You can’t escape. But oh no, you’ll just have to go through it (yep that’s a ‘We’re Going on a Bear Hunt’ reference). To be in a moment where it feels like you have nothing left, is the worst place to be on earth. And yet, I’m here to say, it is possible to walk on, to stand, to get through. There is something that gives us what we need to conquer the giant in front of us. We see people do it all the time. A husband stands outside the room as a team of medical staff help his wife fight to deliver their first born through shoulder dystocia. A woman who has married three times before, in the face of her doubts and those around her, chooses …

In a few days time, we will have been in the UK for five months.  That’s almost half a year!  It has gone by so quickly, but I also think I should get some kind of a badge for the 143 days of “settling in” graft I’ve put in. Repatriating has been one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life. It sits somewhere above emigrating and mercifully quite a bit below IVF on my hard things to do chart. I think what I find hardest is the underlying sense of being just a little bit lost in my life. Which is even more unsettling when you are a 41 year old wife and mother, who should really have her shit together by now. In actual fact my level of “togetherness” is probably not bad, all things considered.  I feel like I grew up a lot in my thirties and it turned out to be quite a decade of achievements and milestones, personally and professionally. I have my faults and I still wonder at …

You know how there are things in life that look easier than they actually are?  Like handstands, setting up your iPhone and baking macaroons. Well I am here to tell you that emigrating is way harder than you might think, and I’m pretty sure most people think it’s really difficult. I don’t find the administration of it too hard.  There are a lot of forms to fill in, you have to plan ahead so you meet deadlines and as much as possible, you need to organise the various stages of moving from one country to another to happen in a coherent order. Instead, one of the many things I am really struggling with this week (it’s been a particularly tough one) is how drawn out it is.  We have been in the UK for 10 weeks now, but our belongings only arrived on Wednesday. In the last couple of months, Gareth has started a new job, we’ve found a place to live, the children have nearly done a half term of school and I have …

When you move from one country to another, you have to be flexible about your living arrangements.  Ultimately, you are going to be unsettled for a significant period of time, and you need to be OK with that.  I think there are ways of making it less stressful, but they require money being no object. It would be things like setting up a house in advance of you moving, or living in a furnished house for three months whilst you wait for your belongings to arrive on a ship, or owning properties in various parts of the world…that sort of thing. I have learnt a lot about myself in this area of emigration.  Main thing being, to have the ability to make the most of a situation when it’s not comfortable for me.  In our family, I am the home maker.  I don’t mean Gareth doesn’t have a part to play in building our home, his DIY skills are second to none and he puts up shelves like a champ, but as it’s me who …

A self-confessed lover of lists, I do like a good Top Ten of anything.  Whilst this is a challenging time in life at the moment, it’s not without some happy moments for our family.  So I thought it would be good for me to start this week with a list of things I really love about the UK. These are some things that I missed whilst I was away and other things that I didn’t miss but I’ve realised in the last few weeks of being back, they make the return that little bit better. Friends and family As my mum said today, when she dropped in on her way to take her aunt away for a weeks holiday, “It’s nice to see you without having to take a 30 hour journey.” Even though we have moved to an area of England that we don’t know, and don’t know anyone who lives here, we are a drive away from all our family and lifelong friends.  The ‘catch-up’ list is huge (and daunting), but it will be …

Our house in New Zealand officially sold whilst we were sleeping last night. Out of the three houses we have owned so far, this was by far my favourite.  I always pinched myself that the house was ours when I drove up the road and turned into the drive.  It wasn’t perfect and we had to do a lot of work to get it how we wanted it but from the minute I first viewed it, I loved it. Our first home in New Zealand, it is full of memories and significance.  Our children grew from one/two up to six/seven in this house – that’s a lot of time with all the family in the home.  It was such a lovely home, with a great sized private garden in the back and lots of rooms to spread out in and manage the mess. We knocked a couple of walls down so I could have a dream kitchen with a big island in the middle, a butler’s pantry and huge amounts of shelves (I’m a little …