Dear Child of Mine I want you to know that I will always love you. I loved you when you were the size of a grain of rice and your heart beat was undetectable. When you made me sick and took away my ability to tie my own shoe laces. The strongest motivator to go through two days of the most pain I have ever felt was you. We hadn’t even met but I would have endured that pain for as long as it took to bring you into this world. When you screamed at me for hours and refused to give me sleep, I loved you in every sob and exhausted scrap left of my being. When your head was adorned with delicate, golden curls or when you scowled with the flick of one eyebrow, I swooned at your beauty. You could be covered in snot and vomit and I still think you are the most lovely thing I have ever seen. When you pulled my trousers down in the middle of a busy …

I am very pleased to report that I graduated from Cycle Two last week and today is my first day on Cycle Three of your 90 Day SSS Plan. I have to say, it does feel good to be over halfway. It’s been such a positive experience for me. I guess it’s a good sign then, that I am beginning to feel like I have learnt enough and it would be quite nice to test my wings, and see if I can fly this balanced-diet-with-focussed-exercise journey alone. That said, I do like to finish things that I start and after a weekend of letting myself off the hook a little, I am ready to be a good student and work to plan for a final 30 days.  This takes me, rather inconveniently, to the 2nd January. Nothing like increasing the challenge tenfold by doing the final cycle through the Christmas season eh! It’s OK though. Don’t panic, I have a plan. One thing I have learnt so far is that calculated “blow outs” are no …

I first became a freelancer when I was 30.  After graduating with a languages degree in 1999, I had spent the rest of my twenties working for various companies and charities in Liverpool. It was a considered career move, something I wanted to do and I took my time to be ready to take the leap. At the time, it felt really scary, almost reckless. With hindsight, I can see that it was the best time to go for it.  My husband had just been employed by a big, global company, which gave us at least one secure income.  We didn’t have any children, so I could pour my all into the work and my availability to clients was 24/7. Having worked in Liverpool for almost a decade, I had contacts to approach for possible work. It was a great experience for me.  To begin with, I had lots of little pieces of work.  A fundraising job from an old employer, book keeping for a friend’s business, a monthly event to manage through another friend …

When we were in New Zealand we would often talk to ex-pats about their experiences of visiting home.  Due to the distance and expense the whole family would generally need to take four weeks off to make the visit manageable.  Even then, they would always come back totally shattered because the four weeks would be a mad rush around various friends and family homes scattered across the country, the whole family staying in one or two rooms, managing the children’s behaviour as they juggle tiredness and not being in their own space along with trying to squeeze in a few landmarks or “must-sees” of the UK, of which there are many! One person suggested to Gareth, when we had been considering it a couple of years ago, to go over in the UK summer, rent a big holiday house in some beautiful part of the country and book in friends and family to come and visit you.  That way, in between the two 32 hour flights your family has had to endure, they can stay …

There was no one, particular event that put the line “I will try to fix you” into my head, but once it arrived a couple of weeks ago, it stayed and has danced around ever since. Therefore, I will blog. I’ve been thinking about how much of what I say and do is motivated by the ‘fix you’ intention.  I’m not alone either. When I take a step back from the interactions I have with others, those close to me and those that are new to me, there is an element of us all trying to “fix” each other.  If you look at the news, it’s filled with examples of people going out of their way and in fact to extraordinary lengths to “fix” others. Listening to Chris Martin’s words (and after Googling ‘chris martin explains fix you’), it’s clear that the song is a declaration of commitment to someone he loves.  He’s saying he understands their hurt, that he’s there for them and will help them through a hard time. The motivation is care …

My children are not easily ignored.  They are loud.  They are opinionated. They are communicators.  They have a lot of energy.  Everything is important and urgent to them. When they are doing something they go all in, unless it’s reading their school book or eating frittata. Minnie is kind, generous and spots details like Sherlock Holmes. Jackson always has a project he’s working on, he has it all planned out and he wants you to be part of the team (under his leadership of course). I love my children.  I can see so much of me, their, daddy and their grand parents in them and that delights me.  I think my children are fascinating and I hope we help them to grow their God given talents into gifts to the world. My children can also be self absorbed, bullish, cheeky and sometimes out and out rude. They are young, they are at the beginning of their lives and perfection only happens in heaven, which is true for all of us by the way. I know all …

I don’t think I am going to be alone when I say that without a doubt, my most favourite part of every day is the couple of minutes I spend tiptoeing into my children’s bedrooms, just before I go to bed.  The house is silent, there is nothing left for me to do and my children are fast asleep in their beds.  I walk in and feel the same rush of joy I felt when I clapped eyes on them in the delivery room.  Bending down to adjust their duvet cover so they are fully wrapped up or lifting their heads back onto their pillows, I can smell their skin and place the tip of my nose onto their super soft cheeks so I can practically drink in their deliciousness. Then I whisper that I love them and creep back out.  Sometimes I will get on the bed and snuggle alongside them for a couple of minutes, sometimes I am so overwhelmed with how much I love them I can get tearful, sometimes they look so gorgeous I …